You Are Your Own Soulmate, Time to Act Like It

Practicing your love languages on yourself is the only way to practice self care

Take a bath, light a candle, and drink some tea: the cliches of the self care world. No matter the circumstance that got you to the place where you need to take a self care day, it is always the same advice. But for anyone who has taken up those tasks, I ask: does that stuff actually work? I know that personally, no matter how many baths I take or cups of tea that I drink, that is not how I can feel the love from myself. That was not until I looked up what love languages were, and began to practice them. 

The concept of love languages comes from Dr. Gary Chapman and consists of five languages: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Originally, this was meant to apply to couples, where you learn your partner’s love language and your own primary love language to practice it on one another. However, the only way to truly show self love is by catering to your own love languages and not just following basic advice from a justgirlythings post. 

For me, I found that my two love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation. Now, as much as I would love to just have someone hugging me while whispering sweet nothings into my ear 24/7, it is just not realistic. Specifically, when I found myself alone mid-quarantine following a Kairos retreat, I was in desperate need of love that I physically could not have. This is when I got creative. I began to notice that wrapping a body pillow around my back when I was working on my computer comforted me and made me feel safe (really emulating that hug I could not get). When I feel anxious, I am not afraid to hug myself or rub my arms and legs to make the tension go away. And to continue my fantasy of having someone with me 24/7, I take matters into my own hands in a slightly pathetic way by crossing my arms and cradling my own face just to tell myself, “good job, and you are doing okay.”


Caught in the act: In a moment of stress in class, I cradled my face to calm down. (Eliana Moreno)

For my words of affirmation, this is where I truly began to practice this idea. While it is a great practice to tell myself that I am doing good and that I am a _____ person, that is not the only way to satisfy that need. At the crack of dawn, I will roll out of my bed to my mirror to start my makeup and queue up “Baddie Affirmation Meditation”. These videos guide me through a series of phrases to repeat out loud in the mirror such as, “Screw limiting myself, I am strong and I am not going to play small.”

Over time, I wasn’t looking for people to hug to make myself feel better. I now had the tools to self-soothe on my own. And even after the first day of listening to those affirmations, I believed all those 6 am chants with my entire heart. I felt love by treating myself with love. In a way, practice made perfect.

With that said, that does not mean that my practices will work for you. Some would say treating themselves to a small cupcake would be them practicing the language of receiving gifts, but the idea of spending money that way only brings me anxiety. That is why it is important to try and figure out what works for you. Open up a new tab right now and take that love language quiz, even if it is on You owe it to yourself to learn how to truly love and take care of yourself.


Take that quiz: What is your love language?

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