The Putrid Pastime of Pickleball

A “sport” nobody should consider playing


Photo by chadpryan on / CC BY-NC

This awful game makes all athletes alike enraged, as they have no room to play their game.

This boring game turns rec centers into retirement homes. If you have a gym membership or a pass to the rec center, then you most likely have seen people playing pickleball. Don’t recognize the name? It’s the game that is a cross between ping pong and wiffle ball. It is essentially tennis played on a hard floor with a wiffle ball. Is it bootleg badminton? Is it tennis? If you think that this game sounds weird, you’d be completely right. This “sport” is not only extremely confusing, but also very annoying, especially to people trying to use the gym for other real sports such as basketball. This is comparable to young kids taking up all of the space in the gym to run around and play freeze tag.
There is one qualification to enter into a pickleball league: you have to be older than 50 (the exception is if you are married and have children). The people that play this game do so because they want to save up money for their 401k. Other than being cheap, what inherent benefits does this awful game have? I see none and I would much rather play tennis or ping pong instead. Tennis and ping pong are much better options anyway because they are not only less confusing, but also more fun. These games are also easier to find to people to play with, as people actually know how to play.

Outdoor pickleball taking up all of the tennis courts outside.
Photo by Michael & Sherry Martin on / CC BY-NC-ND
This is a duos game in an outdoor pickleball tournament.

Personally, whenever I go to the gym, I see essentially all of the room on the floor occupied by the pickleball players. Are there no other sports that can take up your time elsewhere? Allow me to name a few: soccer, football, baseball, and hockey. These are all sports that are more fun and will allow the gym to be free for those who will actually have a good use for it, such as volleyball and basketball. Plus, there are other recreational leagues/games like ultimate frisbee, tennis, softball and even clubs such as golf that are much more fun and will free up the gym. Plus, they are more suitable to pickleball’s target audience, which tends to be older people.
I hope this article allowed you to gain some insight into the world’s most boring game, pickleball. It attempts to be three sports(tennis, wiffle ball, and ping pong), which makes it way too extra and confusing. I also hope that if you play this sport, you feel guilty and will leave the gyms across America alone and pick up a new hobby instead.

Would you ever play pickleball?

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