Let’s say there’s a piece of chocolate cake in front of you, but there’s also a taco salad, one of the two dishes is poisoned.  You have to eat the correct one in order to live, you choose the piece of chocolate cake, and now you’re dead, the killer hates dessert, because the killer’s actually an intellectual. 

Hi, I’m Tori, and I hate dessert.  I think dessert is probably the worst type of food there is, it’s not special in anyway.  Sweet foods are beyond overrated, they’re not healthy, they don’t taste good, and they make you feel crappy after you eat them. What sane person would eat dessert 24/7?

Realistically, who would prefer to eat dessert over a delicious tostada from Cafe Rio, and if in that case you said that you’d prefer dessert, you’re a sociopath. There are so many superior foods out there that aren’t dessert that come in so many different flavors, varieties, and they come from all these different cultures. Sugary desserts, which are pretty much most desserts, are just bad for your health and will give you cavities if you eat too much. I, myself, am a proud example of never having a cavity, how you might ask? I don’t like candy or dessert. Why don’t I like candy? Candy’s on the same platform as dessert for me, there’s no benefit to eating it. Comparing a chocolate mousse cake to a cup of baked potato soup. There is no slight question which one is superior, because literally any food category will beat dessert no matter what, especially if the cup of baked potato soup we’re discussing is coming from Chili’s, cause that soup goes hard. 

With all that being said, I would rather voluntarily jump, face first, onto a pile of legos than be paid to eat a slice of cheesecake. So now that I’ve gone on my little rant, please don’t hand me a dessert with the exception of strawberry shortcake or a milkshake, and I hope you have a wonderful dessert-less life.